You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
