Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
