if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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