So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
