He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize