I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize