I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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