i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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