who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
