we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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