So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
