just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
