my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
