Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
