You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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