i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
