She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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