So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
