"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
