hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
