just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
