By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
