I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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