Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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