Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
