ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
