his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
