I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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