Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
