Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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