pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
