If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
