i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize