i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Too much gin, very little bucket
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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