Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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