were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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