ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ugly people sure do ruin things
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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