Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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