i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
