just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
