So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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