you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
