She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
