It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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