Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
