Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
