How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
