i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
They are going to name an STD after you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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