dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
