I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
