Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
