I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
