Who did Billy Mays play for?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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