i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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