getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
