If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
