tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
