I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
