i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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