My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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