Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
