YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
