Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize