I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
