Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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