I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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