He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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