I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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