i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
