somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
