I think I just saw someone hide a body.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
