I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
