i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
