R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
