Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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