Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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